When I got out of bed this morning and opened my shades, I was greeted with a beautiful sunrise. It is gone now. Replaced by the grey monotonous winter sky. I’ve been cooped up inside my home for four months, unable to spend quantities of time in the great outdoors. Cabin fever has set in deeply. I should be out walking for hours on the roads around where I live, but I can’t. I must walk for hours on a treadmill in my basement. This calling to complete the pilgrimage has required persistency and strength from God to continue. If this had been my own will, I would have quit months ago. But He hasn’t stopped leading, so I haven’t stopped following. My mental game is a difficult one at the moment, and I know that the actual pilgrimage will be difficult physically. I’m trying to lean on God for His strengths on both fronts, doing what I can on my end.
Everything in me just wants this to be over – for it to stop, but my calling continues on like the road in front of me. Challenging and impossible, but I trust Him so I’ll take one more step, press on for one more hour, increase the incline and speed one more notch.
I realized yesterday that fear has crept in oh so subtly; not overwhelming, just undermining. What if life circumstances say we can’t go when we plan and this drags on another year or two? What if we get there and I’m so slow that we’ll never be able to complete it? What if climbing the mountains is too much for my lungs? What if he hasn’t prepared and we get stopped because of injuries he has? What if…..? God told me this morning to hand that over to Him. He is in charge of all the what ifs. I’m in charge of obeying His call on my life today, and tomorrow, and the next day.
I came across a blog post this morning that spoke to my heart. In it, the writer says:
Life is pain – and you get to choose: either the pain of discipline or the pain of disappointment.
Perfect love says I just have to show up, press on, and when I can carry on no longer, He’ll carry me on.
Words of encouragement to do that hard thing that I just don’t want to do today.
So I’ll lace up my boots and go outside for just a while. Then I’ll do my hours on the treadmill with Him carrying me.
Father God, sometimes what you want me to do I don’t want to do. My agenda is pain free, but growth free. It is not Your best for me. Help me Lord to see the grace and blessings of always doing what You have called me to do whether I feel like it or not. Give me the desire and passion to pursue those things that You have purposed for my life. Help me to keep my eyes focused on You and not on my circumstances. Thank You for loving me more than I love myself. Amen.
So climb up in your daddy’s lap and have a little chat. Tell him how you don’t want to do what He’s asked you to do, but that you’ll do it because you love Him. Then strap on your boots and step out in faith. No procrastination, no perfectionism, just faith that you are enough and He’s got your back. He doesn’t ask us to be perfect, He just wants us to be willing.
Here is that blog. Maybe all of this doesn’t apply to you, but I’ll bet at least some of it does.
Be encouraged. Press on.