Week 6. Six weeks of not feeling well. Six weeks of doctor’s visits. Six weeks of medicines. Six weeks and still I struggle to be well. I don’t know how long the Lord will allow this path for me. I pray that He will cut it short. But I desire His will above my own, always.
When I think of the suffering that others endure for years with grace and patience and a good attitude and hope, I stand in amazement. It is beyond my grasp. I’m a complainer. A whiner. As if it will change anything. I wonder if they arrive at the place of grace and patience and a good attitude after a period of whining and complaining or did they just start from there? Don’t misunderstand me. God is with me. His joy fills my soul. But my body is miserable. Lying about how I’m feeling physically just isn’t my thing. I’m a lot more transparent and honest than that. This stinks.
It is difficult, sometimes, to determine if this is an attack of satan or a trial appointed by God. Job reminds me that sometimes the answer is yes on both accounts. Sitting in the dirt, lamenting my state of affairs, wondering why, and seeking God’s mercy is where I am. As I was writing this blog post, my doorbell rang; a sweet delivery of God’s love from a sister in Christ. He knows just how to touch my heart with reminders that He is with me and for me.
In my daily Bible reading this morning I was in Deuteronomy and in Mark. Reminders of God’s presence, and the commands to take courage because He is with me, steady my mind and heart on Him who loves me best. A walk with Peter as he denies Jesus when he never thought he would – the rooster crows and then crows again. Reality sets in. He isn’t who he wanted to be – such deep regret. But Jesus is. Jesus stayed the course. He suffered the pain and agony physically and spiritually for me; and I am saved – saved from eternal torment. A bit longer than six weeks.
Thank You Lord Jesus for the blessings of suffering. Thank You that You also suffered physically and know our pain. Thank You for the reminder that You are with us and we can take courage because of that. Thank You for the hope of eternal life where the suffering of this world will cease. Help me to walk with grace and hope through this trial, shining Your light to those around me who need You in their time of suffering. I love You Lord. Amen.
Walk with grace and courage today. One day at a time, Lord Jesus! Be encouraged. Press on.
Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:27-32 ESV)